By the time I am writing this Star Wars Episode VII has been released in theatres to sell-out crowds of excited and content Star Wars fans. Don’t worry, I will not post spoilers for anyone who has yet to see it. I will write that I am quite pleased with the new movie – or perhaps it would be better penned if I was to scribe that I am relieved. My precious childhood attachments to the original trilogy are unscathed with the release of the new film, and to Lucasfilm, Kathleen Kennedy and JJ Abrams I am thankful.
I did not show up in costume as many other people did. I enjoyed watching the plethora of characters in costume filter in the theatre. I could feel the energy of the entire theatre when events unfolded on the screen. I don’t think I stopped smiling throughout my experience in the theatre when I saw the film. It was only after that I took pause for sentiment.
It’s hard to believe that the original trilogy – the series that I attribute to helping me save my life – is almost forty years old. It means that I am far from that wounded soul that accidentally wandered into the movie theatre that gave me hope many years ago. It was almost forty years ago that I began my journey into Star Wars and the characters I have cherished for most of my life. It means I am getting older. It also means that I can choose to live in the past of my pain and suffering, or I can remember it and move forward with my life and the speed in which the years pass now. It’s a new year, a time for shedding the baggage that has been holding me back and taking that which I need to be even stronger and more present for my family and friends.
In Doctor Who, there is continually mention how there are fixed points in time, and even a timelord cannot alter these fixed points. I feel the same way as a survivor of abuse. The events in my past have created the man I am today. Truly I am a product of my environment. I have had a lifetime of choosing which doors to pass through, and which doors to not even try. I feel deeply about advocating for survivors of abuse. Would I feel this way if I did not endure it? If I were to alter the fixed points in my life, where would I be? Or more importantly WHO would I be? Rather than looking back on a life with regret am I not better served to be present in the moment each day as I learn from each experience I complete? Much like a video game, each time I play I get a little better, and go a little farther. Eventually achievements get unlocked. Each time I play, I see that though there is chaos around the world, I am in control of my life and can only function to the best of my ability. Every time I start over I get a little more experience. Life is like that. We can choose to play, or we can sit and watch others playing the game. We can all choose to be the hero of our life or we can choose to be bystanders. As I move forward I am committed to resetting my game as much as I can to get a little better each time. I have learned there is no shame in falling. There is no shame in stepping back as long as eventually the movement forward continues. In all things, time is constant. Time is unpredictable. There is only one moment in time we can control. That time is now. Everything else from this point forward is uncertain. Only now can we act. Now is the time for me. Now is the time for me to be the best I can. Now is the time to be present for others and true to myself. Now. I will never be as young as I am now. Now is precious. The past is fixed and tomorrow is uncertain. Now is real. Now is the time for new hope.